Experiments in Authenticity
I was sitting in a meeting today with a bunch of managers and a director. The topic turned to something about which I’m passionate and threatened. I went on automatic offense. I used words like “stupid”, “moronic”, “inane” and anything else I could think of to belittle the idea and its originator (who happens to be a VP). The thing is, I don’t really disagree with the idea, just the implementation currently on the table.
I don’t think this kind of “best defense is a good offense” behavior is really going to further my career. Fortunately, I have most folks trained to know that I engage in a bit of hyperbole. But this is exactly the sort of thing I’m working on right now.
In months past, I wouldn’t have recognized it at all, or only if I’d been so nasty to warrant mention from someone else. Now, at least I can see it happening a little afterwards. Next, I expect I’ll catch myself doing it and then I can make a different choice. The big news is that I’m not really beating myself up about it—I’ve noticed positive changes, and I acknowledge that I’ve still got work to do.
Separately, I had two 1-1s where I got to talk about what I do well and where I need support from my people. That felt really good. It’s not the sort of thing political leaders would do, since that sort of candor would be suicide for anybody projecting a false image as part of his or her job. I think it works in management, though.
For me, though, projecting the image of perfection is so ingrained, it feels strange and scary admitting to imperfection. But there are those who say anything that doesn’t scare you isn’t really worth doing.